Scars of the Past
by Laugher.Lover.Fighter
Summary: A/U, One Shot. "Emma's always had a problem with certain words. Words like love and forever, they do not get tossed around. She wouldn't know because she's never been in it." Emma is a broken woman having to confront her horrifying past head on. The ending of a talk about life and love with Snow is anything but expected.


**Scars of the Past**

**A/N: The basic gist of how I got to writing this one shot, (or possibly a story later) is I went to go see Silver Linings Playbook. It was an awesome movie. Seeing the two characters so broken got me to thinking about Emma and how broken she is. This was born from there. Any mistakes are mine, and I do not own these characters or the setting, the only thing I own is my crazy ideas. **

**TRIGGER WARNING: I feel I have to put this in here just in case, because I know some users may have experienced or dealt with this before. There is mention of abuse and rape, so please be on your guard for that and do not proceed further if this will cause you pain. **

**Any mistakes are mine, and I do not own these characters or the setting, the only thing I own is my crazy ideas. Enjoy!**

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Emma's always had a problem with certain words. Words like love and forever, they do not get tossed around. She wouldn't know because she's never been in it. That's why it's so hard to watch her parents be so loving towards each other. Peering behind a wooden beam in front of the door, she looks on at the kitchen. There, basked in the low light of a candle is Snow. She looks beautiful, Emma has to admit, porcelain skin bathed in candlelight. She catches a glimpse of a plaid shirt and her father's arms wrap around her mother's waist as they dance. It's a slow dance, several circles on the same spot but it's the gestures her parents make that catches her, makes those cracks in her wall. Her father places his chin on top of her mother's head, smiling because it fits there. They fit together like puzzle pieces. Her mother leans up to press a kiss to her father's lips and that's when Emma turns away and slides down the beam.

She doesn't know why she's crying. Tears roll down her cheeks and she curses herself, wiping the make up from under her eye with the back of her sleeve. She can't sit here like this, so she tries to make it up to her room before breaking down completely. The stairs are right there but she just needs to watch her parents one more time. She needs to understand what love looks like. This time when she looks, she's on the ground, kneeling, looking behind a counter. Her father has his hands cupped around her mother's face and he leans down slowly. Again, Emma can't bring herself to watch as her father captures her mother's lips lovingly. Inching her way across the floor, she finally gets to the stairs. Her parents are enraptured with each other barely noticing as she climbs to the top and closes her door.

She lets go. It's hard at first; she doesn't want to mess everything up. Which is funny because her life is so fucked up already. She tears at the walls but in a discreet fashion. She gasps as a picture falls over and clings to it as she sinks down against her bed.

The picture is simple but one of the best that's ever been taken of her. Her father stands, poised, prince-like with his arm wrapped around his wife; her mother beams at the camera in a smile that's very…Snow; and Emma has her arms wrapped around Henry in front of her parents. She can't remember a time when she'd been happier. The smiling faces bring her back but she sets the picture down and the moment escapes her. Tears fall faster as she brings her knees up to her chest, thinking about everything. Her past, the present, her family, the curse, all the shit she's been put through. It's too much for her to bear right now and she can't do it alone. But she is scared if someone comes now, she may break down. Tell them everything that happened to her when she was little, why she has those scars, why she has a wall.

The door creaks open, a low moan that barely registers in her already pounding head. Luckily, it's only her mother at the door. The woman she trusts more then anyone else. Except maybe herself. She's glad her father isn't there as she sits up slightly-pulling her head from her knees. Her mother already has tears in her eyes from seeing her daughter in so much pain, tear marks staining her cheeks. Emma looks into her eyes and Snow sits down, close to her daughter but not too close.

"Emma, what happened? Why are you crying?" Snow asks, reaching out to touch her daughter's face but curling her fingers back into a fist and her arm falls to her side, timid and scared.

"I just can't deal with it, I just can't deal with it anymore," Emma answers, holding in a sob before collapsing against Snow's chest. Her shoulders heave against Snow and all she can do is reassure her baby. Even though her tears are soaking Emma's hair.

"It's going to be alright Emma. You've gotten through it, you're going to be okay," Snow whispers, rubbing small circles on Emma's back.

That moment is when she loses control. She picks up a book, a jar of pencils, anything in her path as she throws it across the room. Now standing on the opposite side of the bed, Emma rakes her hands through her hair, sobbing. She steadies herself on the bed; hands gripping the edge of the mattress. This time she's gone, Snow can tell. When Emma looks up at her, her eyes are dark, darker then they've ever looked. Emma grabs for the photo and Snow ducks just before the frame hits the wall, glass shattering everywhere. Snow lets out a sob, trying to get close to her daughter but she can't. Emma puts her face in her hands but looks up; eyes still dark and tear stricken.

"You don't know. You haven't been here for the last 28 fucking years of my life. My past? I have gotten through it, but that doesn't mean I'm over it. Do you know what happened to me when I was 12?" Emma is screaming now, throwing her hands into the air and fuming. Her breath comes out in fast rhythms and Snow tries again to get close but she stops herself, knowing Emma has to tell her the truth. Tell her about the past that she has kept buried for so long.

"When I was 12, my foster dad beat me. It wasn't as bad as the others but it was relentless. He used to come home, stomp his way up the stairs and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I hid the other children so he would beat me instead. Most days, it was just a slap or he would bring his foot down onto my stomach. But there was one time when he came home, drunk off his ass. He had a bottle in one hand, broke it, and then swung it at me. 'Why are you running away, pretty girl?' he asked me, and the bottle caught my arm. He did it again, and again until I was screaming. He smiled at me and left. His eyes were so cold like all the life had been gone from them. I have scars from where he beat me, god damn scars," Emma lifted her shirt and Snow finally got a look at her arms. Deep, purple scars ran crisscrossing across her arm and Snow reached out to touch her daughter's arm but was hit away. Emma turned around, unable to face her mother as she spoke her next few words.

"It wasn't over there though. He wanted more when he got that drunk. He had always been eyeing me, and my being the oldest did not help. When he kissed me good night, it felt wrong, or different. I felt better because he seemed to actually give a shit about me. But then one day, he came home and it was different. He didn't talk to anyone, didn't look anyone in the eye. The alcohol off him reeked and I could smell it on his breath. He grabbed me from the table and I had been drawing with the others. I was drawing a picture of a dog, a cute little dog when he grabbed me and took me to his room and, stole my childhood. Stole my innocence away," Emma still had her back to Snow. She could not see her mother's expression. A mix of pain, suffering, guilt washed over Snow in a blink, her daughter. The one person she was supposed to protect forever had been stolen from her. Pain was so severe it shot through Snow and she tried not to let her knees buckle from underneath her. She had to stay strong for her. For the fragile, childlike woman standing in front of her.

Snow brushed her fingers against Emma's arm, hoping to get her daughter to finally turn around. Emma whirled around and stared at her mother, fists clenching at her sides, her face darkening.

"And where were you? Where were you when I was left on the side of the fucking road? Where were you when I lost my first tooth? Where were you when I rode a bike? Where were you when I started to walk? YOU WERE NOT THERE. You missed everything from my life. You think you saved me? I haven't gotten through it; I'll probably never get through it. That is my past, and if you ever want to erase it, it will always be there. Waiting for me to remember, to go back. I can't let it go, and I try to turn it off when I close myself off but it's gotten worse. Seeing you and David and everyone so happy, I should be happy but I never got to experience it. Love. That was never a part of my life, and it is now and I don't know why I deserve it. I had a shitty past and I can't change what happened. I can't close it off and I'm so scared and alone," Emma was yelling again but she sat down on the bed. Throat raw from crying, her chest ached with the thought of her previous experiences. The thought of all the times when Snow could have been there, walking with her daughter, playing with her. They could have been a family.

Emma is crying so hard now that her breath is becoming short, shoulders still heaving. Snow sits on the bed and finally, holds her daughter close. It is unimaginable what her little girl had gone through and just the thought that she had not been there makes Snow's heartache and her mind go blank. She can hardly find words to comfort her daughter in a time like this, while she clings to her like an anchor. Emma sobs into Snow's sweater; taking solace in the fact someone listened. Snow finally lifts Emma's chin up so that tear filled eyes meet tear filled eyes before speaking in a cracked voice.

"Emma. I wanted to be there for every second, of every day. The moment when I realized I had to let you go, my heart broke into a million pieces. Looking into your face, placing a kiss on your forehead and giving you to your father was the hardest decision I ever made. I was not there for you and for that I have failed as a parent. I wish I could go back and fix your past, fix it so that you would never be alone and no one could ever hurt you. All I ever wanted was to give you your best chance and I failed at that. I cannot undo your past but we can rewrite the future. And I promise, I swear to you that you will never be alone again," tears flow from both Snow and Emma's eyes. Emma does not let go of Snow after she is finished, the embrace too captivating and warm to let go of. Scared of moments passing her by, Emma continues to embrace Snow when she can no longer cry, when the tears have stopped flowing. Snow gives her first smile of the night at Emma and she returns it while holding her hands by the fingertips.

"I love you Emma," Snow whispers, taking her hands and placing them on top of Emma's. Emma marvels at the way her hands fit perfectly on Snow's and she knows that this is what family is. Fitting together, growing, loving, waiting, and being together for as long as they can and always putting the other first.

"I love you too…" Emma swallows, but she's ready. She's ready to take that leap. She's ready to speak the word she's been desperate to say for 28 years. She knows that this first time she speaks it, will be the first time she has ever wanted to more then anything. She has never experienced love like this, never been put first. She doesn't want to lose that. So she finally says the word, in a whisper.

"Mom."

It's the first time she's ever called Snow her mother. And it surely won't be the last.


End file.
